


Viktor!!! On ice

by Spinelofthemoon



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: A little angst, Alternate Universe, Alternate universe - reverse age, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-15 01:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9213317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spinelofthemoon/pseuds/Spinelofthemoon
Summary: The reverse age fanfic no one asked for.Viktor is a 23 years old ice skater that was never able to connect to the emotional part of his programs.Yuuri Katsuki is the star of the figure skating world that has really hard time keeping his shit together before he steps on the ice.Right before he retires, Viktor decided to practice Yuuri master piece of a program 'Yuuri on ice'. When he finished, a friend upload a video of his copied performance online.  And what comes next, he could never expect.





	1. Sometimes letting your emotions consume you is a good thing

**Author's Note:**

> This fic follows the basic narrative of the show, but with some exceptions:  
> -Yuuri is not as impulsive as Viktor.  
> -Viktor is not as fragile as Yuuri (other then at the start)
> 
> I know there myst be some mistakes with spelling and grammar. I'm doing my best with a language that is not my native language. 
> 
> update!!!  
> made a little edit to the first chapter, I think it's much easier to read now. still working on the next one.   
> Hope you like it!

Every time Yuuri Katsuki stepped on the ice, he had a massive panic attack. It would be his routine. Panic attack-great performance-gold medal. Some how along with all this pressure, he manage to perform at his best every time. He was 27 now, and most of the Grand Prix Final press conference questions were about if he is going to retire. He wasn't planning to. But the thought of all that pressure off his shoulders was comforting. Next to him, Yuri plisetsky was pouting. He was 18, and won silver. Again. And was mad. Again, About his placing. Yuri plisetsky was his main competition for the last 3 years. They were always head to head, but Yuuri was better. The way he always connected to his theme was always more appealing to the judges. His skating was a his way of expression. His coach Celestino always said that that way of expression was his strongest asset at competitions. Yuuri did not like the attention thou. He really liked the medals, really appreciate the fans, liked being known, (and the praises Lord, he LOVED the praises) but having all these people asking him questions about an unknown future did nothing good to his anxiety disorder. He felt best on the ice, and after the press conferences were done. He was not good a socializing. Which made most dinner banquets a torture. His coach would limit him to two drinks per event, which were not enough to take the edge off. But it was for his own good. He was like his father when he drank too much. And would easily wreak havoc and forget all about it after. This was not the right place for him to act like that. In the banquet you suppose to be formal, smile, and presentable. The complete opposite of the way one of the skaters was acting. There was nothing presentable in Viktor Nikiforov crying face. Yuuri noticed him on the ice last night during the FS. He was pretty great at jumps, always landing them close to perfection (which made Yuuri quite jealous.) but his moves were robotics, and it was clear that he had difficulty relate to his program. The judges did not like skaters who cannot express emotions in their routines. "hey... Are you okey?" Yuuri approached the Russian skater. Offering a tissue. "take it, for your eyes." the other man lifted his head full of long silver strands, and looked at him shocked. "Yuuri Katsuki." he said.

"Yes?" Yuuri replied.

"it's just... That you are Yuuri Katsuki. Why are you talking to me?"

Yuuri was embarrassed. Again with the attention. "you looked like you needed someone. No one else approached you. Why are you alone?"

Viktor was regretting asking such a rude question. It seems that it made the other man feeling uncomfortable. But this was Yuuri Katsuki. Five times world champion. Grand prix champion. And the reason Viktor started with competitive skating. He was always hoping to skate on the same ice as living legend Yuuri Katsuki. But he was not worthy. Placing 6th at the event made him realize that.

"I didnt feel like talking to anyone."

"why are you crying?" Yuuri felt like it it was an invasive question. But he wanted to know how to lift the other man spirits.

"I lost." he was at the lowest of his career and personal life. With placing last, and the death of his beloved dog a few days back. He currently had no one to call family.

"so? You'll win next time."

Viktor eyes were wide open from this remark. "how can you be so sure?"

"um... Something about you tells me you have yet to reached your full potential."

"you think?"

"Yea. You land your triples like they were spreading butter, and have no problems with your quads most of the time, you just don't work them well to the theme of your program. It looks like you can't understand why you are skating between the jumps. You need to work on connecting to your emotions."

"no matter how hard I try I can't seen to get the themes that Yakov pick for me."

"'a theme for a program is something that need to come from the skater himself' celestino told me this when he started to coach me, and I didn't get it because all of my coaches up till then were picking my music and everything for me. But once all my decisions on the way my program was built were on me, I understand that when I skate I need to express myself and no one else can choose how I do that."

"I don't think I can connect to my emotions that way you do."

"the fact that you are here crying because you lost prove to me that you can." Yuuri smiled at him. And thought to himself that Viktor Nikiforov was alot different then he thought. He was gentle and impressive. And he really hoped he could find it in himself to connect to his emotions so that he could create amazing programs. Yuuri felt from that man that some day he is going to surpass him. But Viktor Nikiforov disappeared. After the grand prix final Yuuri expected to see him at the European championship. All of celestino students were sitting together to watch their friends that manage to qualify to the competition. Yuri plisetsky was there too, and Yuuri loved seeing him skate. But there was no sign for the man he really wanted to see. Viktor Nikiforov did not qualify.

\-------------------------

When Viktor placed last at the Russian nationals he was pissed. He worked really hard on trying to connect to his theme. And it did not work. He wanted to see Yuuri Katsuki again at the world championship. But it won't happen. And he didn't deserve this. His season was done. He was happy for that at least.

His theme was 'courage' for this season and he didn't feel courageous at all. After his defeat he told Yakov that he think of quitting. And all his coach said about it was that they will talk when the season is over. He had alot of free time. And with his free time he practiced. He was practicing all the time, and with the rink basically empty because all the other skaters were in competitions he did something he was not supposed to do. He played the music of his Idol. Yuuri Katsuki. He memorized the routine. He loved the music. It was written by a composer who Katsuki was familiar with for him. The piece name was 'Yuuri on ice' and for the past season this was the routine that won everything. It was so beautiful and every movement was placed perfectly to the sound of the music. And so, he danced to it. He knew it was wrong. Copying another skater's routine. But he didn't care anymore. In two months he is no longer gonna be a skater. That's how he spent his remaining days until the season was over. When he was done, he called Mila to see him perform. He was not going to use it. Of course. But he wanted someone to see. It was the first time he felt connected to a program. Even if it wasn't his own. The performance of his lifetime was for a one woman audience. And Mila was really excited to watch him. She was good friends with him for years. She was 22 now, and the current female world champion. When he stepped on the ice, and the soft piano music he forgot about himself. All he could think of was his idol. And the fact that they are not going to meet again. Emotions flooded him. He felt vulnerable. He realized that he didn't actually wanted to give up on his career. But these feelings did not last long. Because once he completed his program. He was so tired, exhausted, that all he could think of was the fact that this was the hardest thing he ever did. He landed perfectly the three quads he knew. And turned the last one into a triple. With two quads at the second part of the program he had barely has any strength to stand when he was done. Mila stood there clapping, tears in her eyes. "you were so beautiful!" Was he? He didn't know... All he knew was that he copied another skater, and apparently did it quite good. "it was a perfect copy of Yuuri!" a copy. Yes. That is what he was. But he was pleased. This program was so hard. How does Yuuri have the stamina for it? He fell to his knees, still panting. "Viktor...I'm... Video... YouTube." he couldn't hear clearly, he was so exhausted from the effort, and so out of breath that he passed out right there on the ice. 

\-------------------------

When Viktor woke up, he was at the rink's clinic. "you passed out from exhausten." Mila told him as she reached to give him some water. "have you been sleeping at all lately?"

"not much." he admitted. "I knew Yakov wouldn't let me practice on the routine at the regular hours, so I came in at night."

"you never liked playing by Yakov rules." Mila laughed. "BTW your video is doing great! I mean it passed the 10 thousand views and its only been up for like 7 hours."

"what video?" Viktor asked, shocked.

"I told you I was uploading the video of you skate the 'Yuuri on ice' routine."

"what? No you didn't."

"Yea I did, right before you passed ou- oh. Oops."

"MILA" he said in a firm voice.

"should I take it off?" she asked. "because I sent it to pretty much the entire world. And if you don't want people to see it then you need to tell me right now."

Did he not want people to see it? He wasn't sure. He worked on it really hard. And was sort of proud of himself for it. But it was another skater's program. Is it okey if he kept the video on the Internet? Someone will be upset? Mad? He didn't know. Yakov would be mad. Yuri plisetsky will be mad. But did he cared about what these two were thinking? His career was done. This is the last thing that was left of it. "no. It's okey. Keep it up."

"really?!" she was excited. "can't wait for Yuuri to watch it."

"Yuri? He will be pissed."

"what? No I think he will be really flattered."

"you are talking about Yuuri Katsuki? You sent it to Yuuri Katsuki?"

"I told you. I sent it to everyone!"

\-------------------------

Yuuri's apartment in Detroit was warm. The electric fire place was on most of the time at this time of the year. It was his day off from practice, but he had a notebook on his lap with ideas for his next season's routine. He kept thinking about a continuation for this season programs but his mind kept going back to the grand prix banquet and to Viktor Nikiforov. In the end the scribble on his notebook were about this really gentle theme. The complete opposite from his theme for the season that just ended. He even knew which music to choose. His SP song had a twin. He adjusted himself on the couch and lie down. The notebook fell to the ground, and Vichan, his little puddle hopped on his stomach. He wagged his tail and rested his head on top of Yuuri's chest. He reached for his phone to check the messages, one from Phichit chulanont, his rinkmate, and former flatmate. It was a link to his latest instagram photo. Next was a message from his mom about the how minako sensei wedding was coming up, and that he needed to visit back home for that. Another message was from Yuko with recent pictures of the triplets in their elementary school uniforms. He also got a message from Celestino reminding him about the meeting all of the competitive skaters he coached had to attend about the start of the training for next season. Last thing he got was a YouTube Video link. It was from Mila Babicheva. The current female world champion. She said nothing more then that he needed to watch the video. He and Mila were not so close, they talked a few times in competitions and banquets, and he liked her, but their relationship was not one where they felt the need to send amusing videos to one another, so he was very curious as to what she sent him. When he opened the video a feel of surprise filled him. The title was 'yuri on ice preformed by Viktor Nikiforov'. He recognize the program, and the music, and it all felt so familiar, but it was not him that was skating to it. It was a long silver haired man, with long and slender body. Viktor Nikiforov was the most beautiful man on earth at that moment. Yuri watched the man in aw. Knowing what is coming next with each step. It was his program, but it was transformed with the sheer emotions of the other man. He watched it again and again whenever it was done, and when he came to he realised he was at it for 4 hours. He opened his phone and called Celestino. "do you have Yakov feltsman phone number?" he asked his coach without explanation.

\-------------------------

Viktor got special permission to be late for the next day practice. So he only showed up at the rink at 10am. And felt like every eye was on him. Mila ran straight to him with her phone shoved to his face. "100 thousand views in 24 hours!!!" she was jumping from joy. The other Russian skaters that filled the rink were less then pleased. Yuri plisetsky was pacing at him. His skates were covered in shaved ice, and it was clear that he was skating and stopped to talk to him. "are you a moron? Posting a video like that?" Yuri was not a tall man, but his usual rage and overall attitude always send shiver down Viktor spine. "I..."

"don't bother! Idiot." and he walked away.

"the video is amazing, you know every time someone mention Yuuri Katsuki our Yuri is having a tantrum."

"Yea..." Viktor went to the dressing room and got to his practice clothes. He was in the middle of stretching when Yakov called him to his office. Yuri plisetsky was sitting there, looking mad as ever. "why did you call both of us here?" the younger man asked.

"Yuuri katsuki is taking a year off from competitive skating." Yakov told them. "this concerns both of you, because Yuri, you've never won against him. I know how much you hate being second. So this is your year to be first."

"coach Yakov... Why is it relevant to me?" Viktor could not picture a competitive year without Yuuri Katsuki. He was really upset that his favorite skater will not be there the next season, but that is not the reason Yakov called him. "he is taking this year off because he saw your video and decided to coach you. He will be here tomorrow to meet with you."

"ha?!" Yuri looked at Viktor with the same shocked face that Viktor himself had. "he is coming here because of this idiot?"

"Yuri, you are free. I wanted to tell you that before you found out in some tabloid. Let me speak to Viktor." Yakov told the younger man.

Yuri stood up and did as he was told. And Yakov looked at Viktor. "I am not going to pat you on the back for this video. Although it was the best performance I sew you give. It was reckless. And stupid. But it probably gonna be the thing that is going to save your career."

"I didn't asked for this. And you are my coach Yakov. I can't replace you."

"I have other, more promising students to work with. You told me you were done. So I did not take you into consideration while making the schedule for my students this year." he got up from his seat and placed a hand on Viktor's shoulder. "Vitya, this is going to your year, you should take this chance to learn from the man who know best about the place where you lacks. I believe in you."

Viktor felt touched by his coach. He knew that it was his own special way to push him forward, and he was determined not to let him down.


	2. Why won't you step out of your comfort zone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor having a hard time opening up to Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the characters my be seem a little ooc. But, let me explain. Yuuri is older, and has alot more confidence. While Viktor is younger and is dealing with alot of things from his past, so these short of things will be really important with building up the characters. 
> 
> A few things about this chapter. I sort of skipped the 'onsen on ice' event, or it's Russian twin 'St. Petersburg on ice' because I don't think that Yuuri will do something so ridiculous. 
> 
> Hope you will have fun reading it! I sure had fun writing it.
> 
> EDIT~  
> did a little editing on my computer so that some spelling mistakes are corrected. and now there is more space between lines so i think it's easier to read.   
> I post the chapters first from my phone and when I get the chance I edit them a bit, so I hope you like the edits better!   
> Mila is the true MVP of this Fic I tell you.   
> plus, the rest of the characters will appear soon! who's excited for 15 years old Otabek and 25 years old Phichit?!  
> I know I am.

Viktor could not sleep that night. The one and only Yuuri Katsuki was coming to St. Petersburg. For him. How could he sleep? He found himself ready to leave the house at 6a.m. Which was two hours too early for a skater to arrive at the rink. Yakov usually arrive at that hour, so he knew that the rink will be open. And he will be alone there for a while. He will have a chance to practice his jumps, and stretching before his meeting with Yuuri. Or so he thought. When he reached the skating rink at 6:30a.m the black haired man was already on the ice. The rink's speakers played a soft song, with beautiful melody. And Yuuri was dancing to it perfectly. Yuuri was in a trance with the dance, and Viktor was hypnotize with the other man's movement. Only when the music stopped, Yuuri noticed the company. He smiled at Viktor. "came for an early practice?" he asked the other man in a thick Japanese accent. Viktor noticed that his mouth was open in aw. He closed it. "yea, I didn't know what our meeting will be like. And if you will start coaching me right away I wanted to be ready after a few hours of warm up and pre practice. Just to be ready." Yuuri smiled. "sorry, I must have messed up your plans. I just landed a few hours ago and couldent fall asleep, so coach Yakov told me I could practice here." he skated toward the edge of the rink to be face to face with Viktor. "ם I'm looking forward to working with you." he reached his hand for a shake, and Viktor took it. They looked at each other of a few seconds "I really like your hair, hope you have no intention to cut it. It will work quite well with what I have planned for a SP."  
Viktor felt his blood rushing to his cheeks. Yuuri said that like it was strictly business, and went back to skate. But for Viktor it was a compliment from the man that he looked up to for years. "we will use this time before the other skaters will arrive to start practice. So go get yourself warmed up and join me." Yuuri yelled to him from the rink. Viktor noded and ran to get dressed. When he stepped in the dressing room he heard a soft bark, and a little poodle jumped on his leg. He recognized the dog, because this same dog was the reason why he adopted his late dog makkachin. He remembered the first time he read the article about how Yuuri Katsuki adopted a small poodle puppy, and begged for his own dog from his mother. It took him a really long time to convince her that he was ready to care for a dog. And when he was 16 he finally adopted a 4 years old large poodle. He looked different from the small poodle yuri katsuki adopted two years before, but he loved him. And two years after, when his mother kicked him out from the house, that poodle was the only family he had left. Viktor got ready with the small dog by his feet. He remembered himself reading about the dog, and feeling pretty good with himself, because the dog's name was similar to his own. When he was ready he picked the dog up to his arms and walked back to the rink. Yakov was rinkside, talking to Yuuri. He looked at Viktor, and then on the dog in his hands and smiled. "looks like a mini makkachin, I remember when he was coming with you to practice everyday, you and that dog were inseparable." when Viktor was close, Yakov petted the dog on his head. "If you need any help Yuuri don't be shy." he told the Japanese man, and walked back to his office.

"I'm glad you two are getting along well. Are you streached?" Viktor noded. "so 15 minutes warm up on the ice and we will start with our first practice together."

When he was done with the warm up they stood infront of each other.

"I want us to create your FS together. It should be something you can connect to, and I think that if you choose your music it will be a good start for that."

"I never picked my own music."

"it's okey, for now. What did you think about the routine I was practicing when you got here?"

"it was beautiful." both the routine and Yuri preforming it were mesmerizing to watch.

"I'm glad you think that. I thought it will be a good routine for your SP."

"what?" Viktor was positive that he was hearing things. It's not like he could preform something like that. He had hard time connecting to any program, and one that needed so much emotions exposed is an impossible goal for him.

"I actually completed it after watching you preform my program. So it should be perfect for you."

"you made this program for me?"

"I... Was actually planning on perform it on my own for this season." Yuuri looked embarrassed. "but it was just starting to take shape before I watched the video. And once I sew you on the ice I was inspired to complete it."

Viktor was now full crimson red. This whole thing is too bizarre. "you think I can perform it?" he asked.

Yuuri just nodded with a smile. "I'll be here every step of the way to guide you."

"I'll do it." for you. He completed in his head.

Yuuri started coaching him with another look on the program. And then Viktor was trying it himself. He didn't get the hang of the choreography. And after less then twenty minutes each time Yuuri stopped the music and asked him to start over. After forty minutes of that, Viktor was exhausted. And the other skaters started to step inside the rink one by one. "that's enough for now." Yuuri said when there was no way ignoring the 20 skaters that stood rinkside to watch them. "let's take a break."

"idiot. If it were learning this routine I would have no problem memorizing it." Yuuri plisetsky told him as they were stepping off the ice.

When they left the ice, and every other skater started the warm up Yuuri approached him, with Vichan on his arms. "want to got get a cup of coffee?" he asked.

Viktor agreed and he took Yuuri to a nearby coffee place that he and Mila were going to on a daily basis. When each of them had a cup of steaming coffee in their hands, Yuuri started to ask him questions. "when did you start to skate?"

He actually was skating since the age of four. But that was only for his enjoyment until the age of about 8, where he first sew Yuuri Katsuki, than 12 years old, skating at the junior world championship. Then he started to take the skating more seriously and enrolled to competitions.

"when I was eight." he said. He wasn't planning to tell Yuuri about everything he knew about him. Viktor was idolizing Yuuri for a long time.

"oh! That's late!" Yuuri answered. "that's when Yakov started coaching you?"

"Yea, he thought I have a lot of potential."

"he was right. You do have a lot of potential."

"I know that a lot of people think that way, but looks like I can't live up to it."

"I know you will be able to live up to it. You know, the name for that song that I built the SP routine for, is 'in regards to love: agape'. It's an opposite theme for my SP for the recent season. It tells of pure and gentle, unconditional love. It was able to complete this program because I saw your love for skating."

"you did?" Viktor took a sip from his coffee, and let it warm him up.

"yea, it was very apparent that you love to skate, you need to express these emotions to an original program, and you will do well. Think about what the music and what emotions you feel when you hear it. And then just... Express it while you skate."

"how can you say it like it's going to be easy?"

"because you already did it once. And I've looked at your earlier routines, in what age did you stopped connecting to your programs?"

Viktor remember the day he locked away his emotions. It was the same day he became homeless. He couldn't feel the same about skating ever since. And couldn't show his emotions the same. His mother words still echoing in his head. 'it's that ice skating thing that did that to you, right?'

"eighteen." Viktor answered.

"oh. That is a long time. You simply forgot how to do it. I'll teach you."

\---------------------------------

At times, it felt like Yuuri Katsuki method of teaching is being nosey. When ever they had a practice, he kept on telling Viktor to think about things he loved when he skated. And when they were off the ice, he didn't stop to ask questions about Viktor personal life. The man wanted to know anything about Viktor's life, and Viktor did not want him to know. Some things were just too painful to talk about, like makkachin death, and his mother kicking him out, and other were just not interesting enough.

But Yuuri kept asking, and Viktor felt like he had no way out of it. Somehow, he managed to avert Yuuri attention from the painful stuff when ever a question about it came up, but the subject always came back up. Viktor will probably won't get a break until Yuuri will know everything about him. "just tell him that you want your private life to remain private." Mila told him at the end of the first week of training with Yuuri katsuki.

"he wants to know every single detail about my life. I don't think that telling him to stop asking will help." not only did Viktor was exhausted from the questions, he was exhausted from the never ending training. Somehow, it looks like Yuuri had never ending amount of stamina, and he expected Viktor to keep up with him for hours. Which proved to be extremely difficult. And the exhaustion was building up and he didn't get much sleep because he made close to no progress with his program. And they still haven't had the chance to talk about the FS that Yuuri wanted Viktor to choreograph for himself.

"you know that if you won't talk to him he will never know that anything bother you." his forehead was on the skaters lounge at the rink, his silver hair was in a really messy bun from a long day of practice, and Mila was braiding and unbraiding the long strands that fell from it.

"he's Yuuri Katsuki. I've looked up to him since the age of 12. I don't think that I could muster the courage to tell him something like that."

"well, he's going to be coaching you for the next year, so I think you should at least be able to tell him when something is bothering you."

Viktor made a sound that made Mila feel like he is definitely not going to speak his mind about this. Viktor was the last one share his feelings and dark past. mila was the closest person to him, and even she barely knew what was going on in his head. He never shared with her, and all the really personal stuff she knew about him was because of her being there when they happened. She couldn't see him telling her about his mother kicking him out at 18, if she wasn't the one that found him sleeping at the rink's dressing room after it happened. He was just that sort of person. The one that rather let you speak about yourself and know every little thing about you then to let you worry about him.

"Viktor! Let's have dinner!" Yuuri busted in the skaters lounge. They were having dinner every night together for the last week, which made Yuuri really happy, but Viktor even more tired from the questions. Viktor got up, and Mila's lips spelled "talk to him" without a sound.

"I'll shower and be here in ten." he said and left the room. Yuuri fell on the chair that was left empty. And sigh. "am I doing something wrong? I feel like he's mad at me."

Mila was surprised from the fact that Yuuri spoke to her so freely. "he's not used to this much attention." she said.

"oh, is that so..." Yuuri looked at her. "then... Should I stop? I don't think he can improve in the emotional level if he's not open with his feeling."

"no. Don't stop. If you'll stop two things will happen, the first, he will never be better then what he is now, and all your work here will be for nothing, and the second will be that he will continue to walk on this planet without realizing that there are some things that he needs to talk about. For his own sanity, and so that the people around him could offer him the support he needs."

"you think so?"

Mila nodded her head. "he's looked up to you for so long, and I think he wants to tell you things even if he himself doesn't know that. You just need to give him time."

Viktor walked in the room as Yuuri thanked Mila, and they went to get dinner.

\---------------------------------

Yuuri smile was so big that Viktor wondered if it was stuck. They were sitting in a traditional Japanese restaurant that serves katsudon. Which apparently was Yuuri's favorite dish. Viktor never had katsudon, but he knew Yuuri must have missed the food from his native country and thought that he will be happy to eat there. He could not be more right because as soon as Yuuri looked at the menue (that was written in both Japanese and in Russian) he was thrilled. When the steaming hot dish of deep fried pork with rice arrived Yuuri eyes shone so bright that Viktor thought the other man was about to cry. Yuuri ordered for them both, which Viktor liked, and now was looking at him with wide eyes filled with anticipation. Viktor tried a slice of thin pork. "vkusno." he said with a smile. Yuuri was excited like a child to see Viktor enjoying his favorite food.

"it was my favorite thing growing up! I ate so many of them, and when I started competing my first coach told me that in order to be in shape for competition I needed to stop eating them. I only ate it whenever I won a gold medal."

Viktor knew a lot of thing about Yuuri Katsuki. Actually, he knew everything Yuuri ever said about himself in an interview. But this was something he never mentioned to any reporter before. And it made Viktor smile.

"what is your favorite dish? Can we go eat it tomorrow?" Yuuri asked him.

"I don't like to think about a favorite thing to eat. I enjoy what I eat when I eat it."

"oh, that is a really grown up way to look at things!" Yuuri told him. "you know, you lied to me Viktor."

"huh?" Viktor was blushing. He was not really lying to Yuuri, but he did tried to keep some truths from him. But lack of sharing is not like lying, right?

"I talked to Yakov. You said you he always picked your themes and music. But he told me that five years ago you brought music for your own."

"he told me that it was not suitable for me. So I just ended up again with music he picked."

"will you let me hear it tomorrow before practice please?"

There was a certain song Viktor listened to alot after his mother kicked him out. It was personal. At the time, when he gave it to Yakov he didn't understand how personal. But now it was almost part of himself. Letting Yuuri listen to it will be almost like inviting him to his world, the world he tried to keep to himself for so long. "okey." Viktor answered. Only time will tell him if it was the right step to let Yuuri listen to it. Even if it wasn't. Yuuri will be gone in a few months, so it's not like he is going to have to live with this decision for a long time.


	3. Downs and ups.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor finally opening up to Yuuri. And owning up to his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter. I feel like it's the best one yet. And I hope you like it.  
> The beach scene is my favorite. It really feels like Yuuri and Viktor are meeting each other half way in that. Viktor finally opening up, and Yuuri finally owning up to his feelings and stress.

For two and a half minutes Viktor looked at Yuuri, as the second listened to "duetto: stammi vicino". Viktor could only remember one event in his entire life where time stood still, and here it was happening again. Seconds turned minutes, and minutes felt like hours as he was trying to read the other man's expression as he listen to the music and read along the lyrics. Yuuri was impossible to read. So Viktor just watched him quietly. When the song was finished, Yuuri just nodded his head in disapproval. "the song is great. But it won't work for you."

Viktor did not know what to expect. He was right. He knew it. Yakov already told him that over five years earlier. So he didn't expect it to be different now.

"it's just that it's a duet. It feels like two people need to preform it. It will be great as a pair skate song."

Yea. That was what Yakov told him at the time. Yuuri could see that Viktor was disappointed. "I'm sorry. But we will find another song that you will be passionate about." Yuuri reached out a hand and placed it on Viktor's shoulder. He looked like he was thinking for a second about something, and then pulled Viktor for a hug.

Yuuri's hug was warm. And comforting. And Viktor felt tears filling his eyes, but he refused to let Yuuri see him cry again.

"for now, let's work on the SP again."

At that practice Viktor could not think of nothing but the feelings that overwhelmed him as he heard that he was not going to skate to his song. At the third time he preformed it that practice Yuuri clapped his hands like he was asking for encore. "that was the first time you looked like you understand what you skate for."

He actually didn't. It was just the first time he didn't think about trying to understand it. "Thank you. Can I try it with jumps now?"

Ever since Yuuri came to St. Petersburg Viktor did not practice jumps as part of the routine. Yuuri said to him that he needed to focus on the emotional part of his program before he starts to work on adding the technical part. So Viktor practiced jumps on his free time. And while he was with Yuuri they practiced the 'agape' routine. Right now, he wished Yuuri would let him add the jumps. The program felt incomplete without them.

"you still have a long way to go before we will add the jumps." Yuuri told him. "from the top." he added and Viktor preformed 'agape' once more. This time. He sucked. He knew it. "that is why you can't practice the routine with jumps. You are inconsistent. And you still don't have a clear understanding of why you skate."  
Viktor was tired of this. "I'm tired. I'm going home." it was a short practice. And Yuuri probably did not understand why he suddenly left without explaining but he needed some time alone. And he couldn't get it with mister perfect there that don't understand his struggle.

When he reached the dressing room Yuuri was behind him. Watching him. As he finished dressing up, Yuuri was blocking the door. "want to go get lunch?" he asked. The answer was no, and Viktor left. At night he got a message from Yuuri that asked him if he would like to join him for dinner. He ignored it. And the next day, he decided to ignore his alarm clock. He created a cocoon from his blanket and thought to himself that this was not such a bad way to spend the day. The warmth and comfort of his owl little kingdom made him drift back to sleep. He woke up 45 minutes later. There were really loud knocking on the door, lazily Viktor got up, with his blanket still wrapped around him, and headed for the door. "I'm coming! No need to keep on knocking." he said. As soon as he opened the door someone charged at him. Holding him in a desperate hug. He was surprised. As he looked down, the pitch black hair made it clear that the person hugging him was Yuuri. He was still mad, but with Yuuri chocking tears and hugging him like that it was hard to remember that. He just wrapped his arms around the other man, and offer some comfort for him as he returned the embrace. "you left practice early yesterday. And didn't answer my text. And you didn't show up for practice today. You don't pick up your phone. I thought that something happened to you."

This is a side of Yuuri Katsuki that Viktor did not know about. He was stressed, and he panicked, for Viktor's sake. "hey. Let's go to the beach." Viktor said.

\-----------------------------------

They were sitting on the soft sand. Vichan was running about, getting his paws wet and then running away from the cold water. "I have anxiety." Yuuri told him after a while a while of just sitting there. "my head tend to read situations in the worst possible way. Alot of the time I can brush it off, and try to focus on something else. But sometimes it's overwhelming, and all I can do is let these things in my head run wild. I knew it was unlikely. But when you didn't answer when I called you today, all I could think about was you injured."

"I'm fine. It's okey." Viktor said. He was hoping that he sounded reassuring. He felt like Yuuri needed that.

"I thought that if the pressure of competing will be off my shoulders I wouldn't feel like that anymore. But I guess that is something I still have to deal with."

"is that why you decided to come here to be my coach."

"it's part of it. I was the reason I decided to stop competing. But you were the reason I came here. I want to know how to help you see that. That you can be the person in that video. One who knows how to feel his feelings and knows how to express them in his skating."

"you think I don't know those things?"

"no. You don't. Because if you knew you would have been preforming much better."

They sat there in quiet. Looking at the way the water connected to the sand. The seagulls flying above them made a noise that sounded like music as it blended with the sound of the waves. "This reminds me of the beach in Hasetsu." Yuuri said. "I haven't been there for over 8 years."

"what kept you away?"

"skating. I just couldn't find time to go and visit. My family usually came to visit me in Detroit once a year. So I got to see them although I haven't been there for so long."

"you are lucky. Your family must really care for you." Viktor buried his fingers in the ground. And picked up some of the sand, and let it slipped between his fingers.

"you don't have any? Family that care for you, I mean?" Yuuri once again started to ask personal questions. But Viktor felt tired of trying to avoid them. He already let Yuuri listen to the song that was every much part of his heart as the blood that traveled through his veins, so why trying to keep the rest of his feelings away for the other man.

"no. My father died when I was a baby. And my mother kicked me out at 18."

"oh." Yuuri didn't have a follow-up question about it. Which Viktor was relieved about. "when you skate. What do you think about?"

What did he think about? Nothing most of the time. His tech score the other times, his many failures, his few successes. "I'm not sure."

"when you preformed my program what did you think about?"

You. Viktor thought. But can he tell Yuuri something like that? "I thought about my love for skating. And about you."

Yuuri was all sorts of red color as Viktor said it. "a-about me..."

"it's your routine."

"Yea. It is." Yuuri said, his face was still red. "do you love my skating?" he asked.

"Yes. I was a fan of yours for a long time."

"well. Your love for skating, and your love for my skating was the thing that made your performance of 'yuri on ice' beautiful. You just need to think of these things while you skate. It's easy, 'agape' tells about unconditional love. What is unconditional love for you?"

His mind went immediately to makkachin. That dog loved him more then anything until their very last day together. He tried to put aside his thoughts about makkachin. He needed to think of a current unconditional love. Yakov, and Mila came to mind. Yakov was like a father to him, and Mila like a sister. Their love was unconditional. The last thing that came to his mind was Yuuri and once again his love for skating. He didn't know if Yuuri's affection toward him was unconditional, but Viktor's affection to Yuuri most definitely was. And he loved skating more then anything. Or was it anyone. "you think that if I will think about these things while I skate I could skate better?"

"I don't know any better way to express emotion in your skating."

They kept sitting there, each of them thought of a different thing. Or both thought the same. "I think I know what unconditional love is for me." Viktor said.

"good." Yuuri replied. Neither was getting up.

"I wonder... What you want me to be for you. A student?"

"I want to think you are more than that."

"a friend? Sometimes you even act like a father."

"no."

Viktor smile to himself. 'a boyfriend?' he say in his head, but not out loud.

"I want you to be Viktor. The man that inspired me. Be yourself."

Sometimes it feels like Yuuri Katsuki favorite thing was to surprise him. Yuuri just wanted Viktor to be Viktor. And he could not let him down.

\-----------------------------------

After their talk on the beach Viktor and Yuuri returned to the rink. It was late, and the other skaters went home. So they had the rink for their own. Viktor was feeling a sort of confidence that he never felt before. And as he stood in the middle of the ice in his first stance. He looked at Yuuri and waited for the music. 'I am dancing for Yakov. And Mila. And makkachin that is still watching me from above. I am dancing for Yuuri, who believe in me. I am dancing for myself. For my love for skating.' he told himself. And before he could think about it, it was done. Yuuri was there. Eyes tearing. Hands clapping. A huge smile on his face. "whatever you did right there, whatever you had on your mind. Keep on thinking about it every time you step on the ice." Yuuri told him as he skated toward him. Yuuri was not much of a hugger. In the two weeks he was in St. Petersburg he hugged Viktor only twice or three times, and those hugs were tender, and sweet, he always treated Viktor like he might break any minute. But this time his hug almost made Viktor fall backward to the ice. Yuuri's eyes were sparkling while he looked at Viktor. "you were amazing." Yuuri said. And all Viktor could think about was the other man lips. And how he wanted to kiss him. But his life taught him to conceal these feelings. "starting tomorrow we will also add jumps to the routine and I will teach you how to land the quads you still don't know."

\-----------------------------------

If Viktor thought that the previous weeks were hard on him, the intensity training with Yuuri on both jumps and the routine got him so tired that he barely made it to bed before collopsing. He found himself once again sitting in the skaters lounge with Mila, head resting on the table. Making use of his one hour break as Yuuri was off doing some errands. Mila once again was playing with his hair, that this time was tied in a high ponytail. "what kind of errands did he said he had?" Mila asked. She was on a short break from practice as Yakov worked with Yuri plisetsky.

"he didn't say, just told me to take care for Vichan for an hour, and then we will continue with training."

The dog was sitting quietly next to Viktor's chair. "you really like that dog."

"hum." Viktor replied. He was to tired to answer.

"you really like the dog's owner as well."

Viktor lifted his head in surprise. Mila was laughing at him. "I'm teasing you." she said. "mostly teasing you."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"come on. You were attracted to him since you were like 12. And now he's here, for you, and he's amazing, and cute, and helpful, and saving your career. And there is no way you aren't falling for him."

Viktor said nothing to this remark. He had nothing to say. "stop."

"sooner or later, you will have to deal with owning up to your feelings. Who knows, you might even realize that you two share them."

They stopped talking about the subject. Mila was starting to ask questions about his training with Yuuri, and she really wanted to see how his program is coming along.

About 45 minutes into his break, Mila was already back to her training, Yuuri came back, holding a CD with a big smile on his face. "finally I got it. The music for your FS." Viktor felt kind of hurt. Yuuri chose his music. Again. And he didn't have a say in it. Yuuri was really bad at reading Viktor's expressions, and probably did not notice the other man's let down. Instead he just got out a laptop from the bag on his back, and insert the CD in. As he pressed play, Viktor's eyes were open in shock. He knew this music. He loved this music. This was his song. This was 'duetto: stammi vicino'. But it was not a duet anymore. It was just the man singing. And it was beautiful. And Viktor's eyes were filled with tears.

"right after you let me hear the original song, I searched for the musician that performs it. I got in touch with him, and he agreed to record it as a solo. It took him a little bit of time, but finally last night I got a message that he was sending me the CD. Apparently he was really bad with computers, so he sended me a hard copy. It's great isn't it? I think we can create a beautiful program with it."

Viktor looked at Yuuri, eyes still tearing up. Mila was right. It really is hard for him not to fall for this man.


End file.
